I was thinking about the little things that I never said to you. Not so much as the things I did not hear from you, but about the details of the things that I always wanted.
Embarked on that ship I have to forgive my little knowledge about my grandfather´s work. He was not around too long, so to explain what went wrong; I still am amazed at the power the words he wrote had.
All the variations that came about, and are described here have the purpose to emotionally understand the meaning of the law, and how justice should light on people´s sorrow. If anything my world revolves around those words nature prevented him from transmission through the most native of his vessels… me.
Imagine my effort. I´m no Stephen King, but concerning the things that did happen later, its not candid to consider all the tension throughout my earlier steps cause no one else in the universe could conceive that he was willing to put everything on the line so to enter in to the great halls being remembered by things he did not say to me, but millions of people in Mexico have worked in the same quantity as they have abused doing whats opposite.
I myself right now hesitate to put my intellect through more humiliations by reading any further of his works, little to say he was an artist and a philanthropist. Many will take him as a reference, for he prepared legions of layers by thinking and trying as ever to break the boundaries of time and space.
The struggle now will be to follow on the cruel destiny of ignorance, and never having the gut to face all the “Bandidos” who have wrapped the XXIst century with the diapers of the very old traditional corruption of money and charade.
But in 1968 he surely had the chance to sleep across a good Kubrick film, and he must have surely been there when the president gave the special orders. He and his generation did not invent the original Planet of the Apes, but he was surely out there taking the big decisions to foresee the other side of the moon.
Well being as it is I hope that he is proud of all of the things I will do to praise if not his direct quote from an unknown editor, why not all the party of great authors that grandpa or not, have been always accessible to my left hand.
I think about the things you never said when Charlton Heston gets hit in the throughout right out of nothing, so many things that would not make the cut when ole Ben Hur is punished by the gorilla in Panavision pictures.
Wish that I had been more intelligent at the time to foresee my destiny, or see through the great crust of the wrong I have been living for so long. Just at this point in the timeline. We have been timeline people us from the eighties.
As my memories cuddle in some resemblance of what could have been the past, my intelligence excused, I remembered this stage was played in the neighbor’s backyard. One of the things we had to leave behind, after the Playmobil sacrifice, the masters of the universe, and the He-man character; after my very ancient paintings and drawings and many precious artifacts that my parents were ticking away to put into the garbage of the boy that was never to come back.
The boy was done when we parted. They let me keep my Jedi for a while, but the Ranch was a place of conflict more than a place of peace.
My neighbors. I often dream of the past and see that they parted in this story, as never after any other neighbor. Across the street, a boy that later shared the school grounds mounted every Tuesday and every Thursday, and from the times that we lived in Tlaloc, many other special families constructed a little paradise risking to go into the landscape.
When I was ten the view from my window gave me the big city and we would walk into our own national park to get to school. Well not so evolved, but once upon the time I could have over all the boys and girls from the classroom in the same garden, and that was not a dull thing to do.
Maybe in a way the things I little remember have to do about Grandpa, and about my father thinking he was smarter than everybody else. But what I target is that I was not as intelligent back then to have the keen sense to take photographs, do movies and songs like now.
So my dear feelings for all these ghostly people have been very blurry, and though they are among the people I will never forget, the details of that Kodak simplicity have not come across my later life.
The lesson by making garbage out of all my objects, and not being able to take or save the videos that would have eased this process allows me to go back again into my fatal flaw from childhood. I have always been to shallow with the people I loved, and I have been so happy doing the art that even as a boy I was always looking for ways to remember that chance did put me face to face with the most beautiful people ever.
Beauty is fading from that picture, and this is something if you ask me, I will always regret; cause I cherished my things. If my father would have been so intelligent would we have not kept him and me, all his empire by making a few investments?
The time to make those investments came and went as it goes right now, nobody can really own anything in the end. Even dead we may bounce back in some of the things we do to represent that which was presented to me.
I was never smart enough to say to all the people that nourished my spirit and gave me joy that I am really thankful for the past. I have never been the most social person, and from then, Mexican good manners and a sense of magic in the world did allow for our friendship.
There is nothing I can do to change from lanes, but I am sure that there is a possibility to go back and change it all to my satisfaction, and if so, in a parallel dimension we would have kept that house and maybe I would have been neighbourly to the day.
Things happened differently. I´m also sure if one day in your heart, you search for me and our good days in Contadero, you will find me with happiness I suppose.
For now, I will go on from the point I started already from a little further on when I had the power to take my own pics of what was happening.
This is the point when I decided to start thinking about a job that could allow me to see over my fathers’ great vision and wisdom. I still am the same thing I thought as a solution from the times when my grandpas’ jive was lingering; it is art.
The time for our generation has opened even further the window of possibility to go deeper still into the innovation. What worries me is that all the works from my childhood, my Scribe drawings and all have been lost forever.
I lost some other pieces, like those I left in the country house when the clock clicked the teenage out of me, and even later when I achieved my degree.
My task now is to accept that one way or another I have been always afraid to face all the powers that would hunt me if I could be awarded the lowest paying price in my labour.
The exhibition in the Academia in January 2015, was finally the chance to make public this trend I crave will be considered still contemporary, considering nothing new has been invented anyway.
In my theory, as I become a master, is that every one of the pictures I took from the early nineties had a cost back then, that would allow me to price them in a general 1 euro each. However as they are going to be exhibited, this formulates some positive force that may re-evaluate my worth.
I want to dedicate some years to taking my art collections abroad, so to my career, it is important to state clearly how this is all an experiment designed to profit from the simulation we live in concerning the value of things.
The price for any page or individual picture is one thing, so now I think the theoretical price for each should be 10 euros so that he who buys my work can really understand the value of the thing I´m giving him or her.
If I put my self to work in to my doctorate and make emphasis on the importance as a society to understand the worth of money, and the part the banks take in our ordinary behavior, it is my believe that by making a Trust, all these pictures and things I have been making, might see their day with a new generation of boys and girls whose appreciation I mean to concern.
I have only published the pictures you will see in these blogs I have been investing on. There is a gap of all the years running from 1988 and way into the two thousand when digital media was not the meaning of pictures at all.
Nowadays if you took the power of distribution instead of putting it in the stream, I guess the cost and compromise it demands would make me think twice about it. I did my thing anyway, and here my part is that you remember it was never about the money, but about the right that I have to use my talent to make a living, even if I have to associate with the evil characters that have put me through so much heartache.
Everything started here. I´m thinking about making simulations as much as labyrinths these days, but whatever pride I take in the worth of words as they lay, I´m sure someday you will forgive me and see that I never fooled anyone, and every piece of thing I ever put my efforts to, was always somewhat humane and well worth more than 100 euros of electrical wires.
If my theories are correct I will be allowed to finish off and see what happens if I dare to use my knowledge and wind up making ends meet with my own Academy.
One day I will be able again to gain respect from the people that make things happen, so I don´t regret either having spent a little time going across the lines of a shady past when I had no pictures, and grampas treasures remain the only trace of the knowledge still left to be turned.
This is why there are no pictures today. I hope my memories of those days will always prevail in things that were kept from us like The Queen, and gay sex. I extend my invitation to whoever wants to walk all the way without the inevitable presence of pictures in my tellings.